In her recent post Better than the Past Lynn mentioned the enjoyment of quiet time to get on with household chores while spending time not stuck in bloke mode. (Not that either of us, I think, would consider ourselves at all 'blokey'.) It also coincided with the first extended free time I've had to let out my Susie side since the end of last August, so Saturday was a blitz of washing and drying umpteen pairs of tights and smalls after an early morning bottle bank run and to drop a repeat prescription into the box at the health centre. Then some quiet me time pottering about and watch the darts on TV (and idly checking off the drag fancy dress in the audience). Sunday evening I felt like dressing up a bit after a weekend slopping around in a jeans, sweater and flats jeans and decided I should release my inner Nigella before settling down with a bottle of wine.
As I mentioned to Lynn, I wonder sometimes who I'm dressing up when I slip into something more constricting and raid the jewellery box: me, or an imagined beau? (And what would happen if one turned up, ideally bearing flowers and chocolates.)
Early Monday morning, after a quick browse of the sales racks in Sainbury's, I popped across intending a quick walk through the nature reserve, to be confronted by a sea of mud on the approach path and decided I'd need something more sturdy than low-heeled ankle boots until it dried out a bit. So back home for coffee and then a trip to the library to return a couple of books and a quick trawl of the local charity shops. While I've long got over any embarrassment at buying woman's items in charity shops in boy-mode (most assistants either don't care or notice, and a sale is a sale) there's something a bit freer about doing it as Susie, where you pull things off the rack and hold them against yourself in front of a mirror to check the length.
How many, if any, of the shop assistants have made the connection between Susie and the bloke who browses the same racks most weekends is another matter. The sweet trader on the market, who I greeted twice on the same morning, first as Susie and then an hour and a half later as bloke-me didn't seem to notice anything or at least didn't comment. The real test, I suspect, would be if I encountered anyone from the local church group while out as Susie. So far I've dodged that one. *
*Postscript Tuesday: Well, that didn't take long to find out, when I got off the bus this morning an found myself directly behind one of the lady volunteers at the local church and who has served me Saturday morning coffee every week for five or six years. No hint of recognition, although she may have been absorbed in her own shopping trip.
It's nice to hear you got some girl time again, and to see you looking so good. This may seem like a contradiction in terms, but when you're trans, there's something special in doing banal stuff in your preferred gender. Sue x
ReplyDeleteNo contradiction. There's not that much I have done as Susie that I haven't done dozens if not hundreds of times before in the normal course of things, but it's the Susie times I always remember.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your good news in getting out and about. The kitchen picture is very flattering and what a fab choice of outfit.
ReplyDeleteAs to the stain of who you might be dressing for, that's a personal one, I feel. For me, it's because I feel better/content and that's not for anything except me. But, each of us are different and that's cool.
Nice to hear you have had the opportunity to get out and about. I am interested to know what delicious dish your inner Nigella produced for you ?
ReplyDeleteSpicy hoisin pork and noodle stir fry if I remember.
DeleteBeautiful post
ReplyDeletePlease read my post
ReplyDelete