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Sunday, 1 November 2015

Off switch

Sometimes I wish there was an off switch for Susie.

As much as I enjoy being her when I'm able to (though even that's variable, depending on the outcome), I don't enjoy *wanting* to be her when I can't. It feels like a constant nagging distraction, like a low-level tooth or ear ache that flares and ebbs constantly  in the background, and too often stops me paying full attention to what I ought to be doing.
That isn't a good state of mind to be in. Being preoccupied, distracted and moody, if not actually depressed, can affect both work and relationships and that not something I need right now. Somehow I need to be able to put Susie back in the box and forget about her until the days grow longer. It's going to be particularly hard this year, given she's only recently come out online. Not sure how I'm going to cope with that.

The other question that occurs to me is: If I really had an off switch for Susie, given the confusion and angst  that goes with her, would I ever want to turn her back on again?

Hope you all had a more fun and fulfilling Halloween..