No, not me. That really would put the cap
on this relationship. At this late stage I have too much invested in my male
side, and there’s too wide a gulf between the fantasy of being Susie and the
reality of what it would cost and mean to be her all the time. Although as
retirement looms closer, I am concerned that with all that free time, I will
want to be her more often that I can, and that will start to cause problems.
I’m talking about the blog. So far I’ve
been using it to talking about the problems (and lets face it, the satisfaction
and thrill) of wanting to be Susie whenever I have the opportunity. I have wondered
if I should actually hand this over to Susie and let this be her blog. (She is
currently sitting at the keyboard typing about herself in the third person.
That’s weird, and does raise the question of how far Susie is a separate personality from me
or just a mask I put on to allow a largely repressed side of me - more colourful and clothes-conscious, more
daring, younger - find an expression.
There came a time when everything I did was directed by that personality hidden and suppressed for so long. If/when that happens, you need to accept what it means for how you will conduct the rest of your life. All the very best to you both.
ReplyDeleteSusie, if you think it's weird to talk about yourself in the third person then you should check out my humble scribblings, there are two of us and an Editor [Ed:] to boot! Dialog with 'one-selves' can help you to learn about the 'both of you' in you and how you both relate to the world. It took me half an century to give Abigale a name and let her hit the Internet highway and air it all in a blog. Im glad I did, there is no going back for me. Abi tries to take over more of my time, but I have boy commitments that will dampen my rare girl time, but not I may add, Abi's spirit. don't worry about Susie taking over, if it happens it will. Don't forget 'You' are ultimately in control, leading to compromises on both sides.
ReplyDeleteAs Halle said good luck 2u both, remember 2 keep us posted.
Abigale xoxo
I do love that three way banter with editorial interruptions in your blog and I'm really enjoying catching up with it. It's nice to find that amid the questioning and self-examination there are also people who can find and celebrate the humorous and even silly side of it. Which is not meant to denigrate or demean those for whom this is a real struggle. My heart goes out to them.
DeleteSusie,
DeleteThe banter helps me stay sane, depending of course from ones definition of sanity.
For me, laughing keeps the crying at bay.
Abi
Hi Susie,
ReplyDeleteHmm, where to start?
I think it's very common for partners to take a dim view of cross-dressing. This will be partly because they swallowed the programming from an early age and partly because they frankly don't want the man they chose as a life companion to change. There is also more than a bit of the "it's ok for anyone else to do that but not my husband".
My wife also wondered at one point whether if she let me dress up and go out somewhere with her (one of my hopes...) it would mean she was a lesbian, something she does not identify as. You thought cross-dressers were a bit mixed up!
I also noticed that you said your partner was TG. This may make you feel even more put-upon, but my take (for what it's worth) would be that she has built her self-image around being a woman and you will just have to put the TG thing behind you, as she clearly has.
Like you, I am nearing retirement and wondering what it will do to my opportunities (if any) for dressing up. There is of course the risk that having me under her feet all day will drive my spouse nuts. 8-)
I had thought that I would go on working for some time yet, but the company I work for has been taken over by 'f***wits' who make work pointlessly stressful. I think it will probably be time to bail in the next year or so.
Our town is getting more and more crowded and the wife is talking about us moving to the Welsh Borders. I'm rather afriad it would be so quiet there that some days it will be hard to tell that you're still alive!
I know what you mean about her not wanting to talk about it... I think that the only path is to try to prove that you can be a good husband (partner, whatever) and wait for her to soften little by little. For instance we compromised on letting me use cupboard space as long as the clothes were in covers. This actually makes a lot of sense. I use translucent ones so that the clothes are still fairly visible without being in her face.
A month or two ago she asked if she could borrow one of my dresses for a funeral, which was a massive thing for me, though I don't think she realises this. She looked great in it, too. Last night I showed her the new Laura Ashley dress I had in the sale a week or two ago and it got mild approval. Small steps.
I hope you settle on the red-head look. I know it will draw attention, but the colour seems to work on you. Sometimes I think that being confident when you are out is all that matters. I was shocked at how easily I got away with my trip to London. 8-)
All the best
Penny
Thank you.
DeleteYes, the prospect of retirement - no matter how much I look forward to ditching the job (and the commute - god yes, especially the commute) - frankly scares me. I'll know I'll want to dress more but not be able to (my other half retired a couple of years ago) and then I will get depressed and moody and that will cause domestic problems. Safer to carry on working. Sometimes I wonder who had the life I missed out on. I hope they enjoyed it.